Everything That's Broken Gets Fixed :)

I started this blog 2 1/2 yrs ago, with the help and encouragement of my daughters. It was intended to be a resource for loved ones to check in and see how I was doing with my cancer treatments without having to bother me in case I was feeling sick. I loved sharing my experiences and used it as an avenue to express gratitude for so many kindnesses shown to me. I got a lot of comments that were VERY uplifting and helpful to my situation.

It's over 2 yrs later now, and I have had to ask myself,
"why do you still have a blog?"

The young moms I notice have a fun place to post their family journal, and others that care can watch each other's families grow up. It is very enjoyable for me to peek in on some of your blogs. It is almost always about all the happy things going on in someones life. I think of it as your "Gratitude Journal", which I believe is a very good thing for all of us to have, public or not.

Then I realized, this Karen the Kancer Killer is really my Gratitude Journal. I still am a cancer patient, just one in remission for now. I hope to never have active cancer again, but cancer has it's own agenda, and no one is guaranteed to be free of it forever. At least not in this life.

Since my health has returned to what some would call "normal", I notice my posts have been about lessons I have learned and continue to learn almost on a daily basis, even though I post once a month, or less.

If you are reading this, I hope you will let me know if you get anything from my posts. I really am doing it for myself, but I also feel so worthwhile if others can benefit from something I say. I get so much, (everything really) from what others say, and I usually try to let them know because almost everyone I meet makes a difference in my life. I think it is human nature to want to feel involved, included and worthwhile to society and others around them.

This lesson I want to share with you today is about a time when I felt like I was "broken". As a matter of fact, it isn't just ONE TIME I felt this. I feel it pretty much on a weekly basis at one time or another. For the last few months, feelings have been HAUNTING me about what a "Loser" I am. When I feel more positive, I think how silly it is that I could even accept such ridiculous thoughts. I am NOT A LOSER! 52 yrs of living has helped teach me the truth.

Yet, I get sucked in time after time. It seems like my own voice is the one that says these nasty things to me.

I looked for pictures in my file to post along with this blog. You might find them funny, it was HARD to find anything about feeling sad because we in this world of ours have learned to celebrate the FUN things in life with PICTURES. so yes, these pics are a little lame, but hear me out, I think I can make a point.
this is Kimmy's friend, Hannah Larsen, one of the most popular and beautiful girls at Desert Hills High School. This was a rare moment when Kimberlee caught her just thinking. The slight smile on her face says she is not really all that sad, but I am sure we all have our "thought provoking" moments.
This is our sweet MISSIONARY.............aaahhh...............it's a joke of course. This pic was taken last Thanksgiving when we celebrate with "bubbly grape juice"

It did make me think of some of us when we might feel like GIVING UP, I know many who drink their cares away, only to have them return the next morning.

Ever felt like taking a drink, a strong drink?
Sometimes do we feel like nothing ever goes right? These 5 siblings were devastated to lose their mother AND father, yes it is very depressing. Most of them don't like to visit their graves, but I insisted. The fact that no one is looking is another reminder that sometimes we try our hardest to get the picture right, or the meal just right , or the kids dressed up and clean and neat, and IT JUST DOESN"T WORK, nothing seems to go right!!!!!!!!!!
This is Kimmy, it looks like she is on her phone, the closest thing I could find with Kimberlee not LAUGHING and smiling in a picture. From her file, you would think her life is NOTHING BUT FUN, and full of everything right.

What we don't document are the moments that we feel rotten. We don't take pictures of that usually.

And it is probably for the best.

Sometimes it feels that whatever I do, I can't "get it together". Then I think, well , I have a whole life time to "Learn to Get it Together"

This is the lesson I have learned. Once you have had cancer, and you know it could return at any time,...............................

I MAY NOT HAVE A WHOLE LIFE TIME TO GET IT TOGETHER............

Neither do you,............. we never know.................we know that.

So, I decide to do the best I can.

Cancer has taught me to ACCEPT the things I cannot change,

To change the things I can,

And Pray for the Wisdom to know the difference.

I have learned for myself, THE ONE THING I CAN CHANGE IS MY THOUGHTS

That's why it is so helpful to listen to things that others say. It goes into my mind and I think it over, and when I change my thoughts, I change how I feel.

Yep, me, all by myself.............................I CHANGE THE WAY I FEEL.

Before I give you my most recent words from other people that help, let me say,

THIS IS NOT A DESTINATION. Changing the way you feel is a CONSTANT in our life.

I am sure you have heard the only thing constant in our life is CHANGE. (It's almost perfectly true. There are other constants such as GOD'S LOVE, something I am about to address)

I heard a wonderful thought (from someone else)

It says:

"Happiness is a City, in the State of Mind"

One day when I was feeling like a loser, I came across some notes I had taken in a meeting several years ago, pre-cancer as a matter of fact.

These words are from Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle of the Lord, Jesus Christ.

He has had bad days................he's human.............. he understands.....................

and so does Jesus Christ...............................he had more than a few bad days, and a horrific ending to his earthly life where He experienced ALL of our "BAD" days.

I got the title of this post from one of his comments.

He said,

"THE MESSAGE OF CHRISTIANITY IS RESURRECTION....................

EVERYTHING THAT GETS BROKEN GETS FIXED."

He started off his message with a verse from a hymn, 4th verse to How Firm a Foundation.

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,

The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless

And sanctify to thee, thy deepest distress."

Some days we will feel like it's never the dawn of a new day. But when it does,..........................

think of it this way, it's the "Break of Day" that brings new light. (note the word break)

He went on to say, "God loves broken things............He made alot of them. If you feel broken, you've got a lot of company" ( I loved that............I like crowds)

God is with you and is aware of what's broken and He is capable to heal it.

Let's remember how good it is to be "Broken"

he quotes a song written by Kenneth Cope:

"Broken clouds.........give rain.........

Broken soil.............................grows grain..............

Broken storms..........yield light...............

The break of day heals night .........(I LOVE this one) Many nights have been dark to me.

Broken bread feeds man.........................

Broken walls make friends...................................

Last of all..................................Broken is a good thing...................

when we experience a "Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit"

I could never understand this phrase when I was younger.

One day I got it, someone (notice others taught me) was teaching about a

Horse being "Broken", it meant to break their rebellious attitude into a

submissive and cooperative spirit. These horses were transportation

for many that came before us, they are meant to be tame, but we

have to "break" them.

Our hearts are the same.................when it's TOUGH AND HARD and REBELLIOUS,

it's not doing what it is MEANT to do.

A broken heart is easy to mold, and work with.
I made 2 hearts out of fabric to illustrate this in a lesson once.

The one heart was CLEAR FULL of hard dirt. It was hard as a rock

You couldn't move it in any way.

The other heart was soft and pliable.

I understood... The pride is what is "Broken"................

Then, and only then........................are we
TEACHABLE.....................

I love being taught by others, I want to be teachable

Cancer has helped me be much more teachable................

So on days, (or moments as I like to refer to them.........that way it doesn't ruin a WHOLE DAY)

when you or I feel like we are BROKEN,.....................

remember................GOD LOVES BROKEN THINGS

He made a lot of them. We are in good company.

Let's see if we can take our "Brokenness" and turn it into GOOD.

I believe we can.

Even though I don't know who is reading this right now, I feel LOVE

for you, isn't that strange?

I feel so grateful for all of you that have taught me so many lessons.

I don't come up with all these ideas by myself.

We are a team................we help each other........... I love that.

It reminds me of a verse of scripture

"Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet ye are not."

I hope to get some feedback, not because I need to be validated, but

because your words feed my soul, and teach me.