Time Out For Women

Well after 8 radiation treatments, I am feeling pretty good.
Dale had purchased tickets to this TIME OUT FOR WOMEN last January, but due to Pres. Hinckley's funeral, they had to reschedule for SEPTEMBER!! I thought it was so far away, that it would never come, and then finding out what my Summer was going to be like, I really thought it was iffy if I was even going to go, but as has been true for the last 6 -7 months, I was once again blessed to feel good enough to go.
The first day was a LIFE SEMINAR, whatever that means, but we had some very intelligent speakers. Sheri Dew has always been able to speak to my spirit and soul, and she was the first speaker and talked about the INFLUENCE that women have. It was excellent. Wendy Watson Nelson spoke next (recently married to Russell M. Nelson), and she was so full of knowledge, that it kind of went over my head, I took notes, but I didn't quite get it. Something about how asking great questions makes for great relationships. I felt like she was talking to a room full of therapists,instead of mothers, but I blame everything on my "chemo brain" when I am feeling dumb. Kim Esplin (my sister in law was with me and LOVED Wendy's talk.) I wanted to get a picture with Sheri Dew, but someone told me she feels kind of uncomfortable if you make over her too much like she is a celebrity, but when I went up and asked her, Wendy pulled her right over next to me, and said, "She would love to". Immediately after the picture, Sheri looked right into my eyes and asked how I was doing with the chemo. It was obvious what I was going through, but I was shocked that she took just a minute to care. In this picture, she doesn't look like she was thrilled to have her picture taken. We then heard from Virginia Hinckley Pearce, and she was wonderful, and a man that I hadn't heard of named Tom Smith, I guess he's written some books about the OZ principle or something. His was very inspiring and entertaining. Later that night we heard Hilary Weeks sing and Jason Deere who wrote,"Nashville's Tribute to the Prophet and talked a lot about Joseph Smith,, Emma, etc. I took my nonmember sister in law and I have NO idea what she thought of Jason Deere, but she did like Hilary. The next day, we would have a speaker and then Hilary would sing a few songs to make us laugh and cry, and then another speaker and then she would sing some more. I was in heaven. Hilary's words to her songs speak to my heart the way Sheri Dew gets through to me too. Hilary's new song is called "If I Only Had Today", and she talks about if she knew she couldn't stay here on this earth........... WOW............. of course that hit home with me, then the 2nd song on the album is "Just Let Me Cry", and for those of you who don't know , I have done a little crying over the last 7 months, so that song hit me too. I had to buy the album, but now I am going to have to order a case to give everyone one, because it is so good.
This picture was taken Saturday, and we didn't even realize that my daughter Heather, and my sister Colleen had slipped out to the bathroom, but they were there with us the whole time. On the back row is Tara and baby Kenya, then Krystal, then me, then my new sister in law, Heather McKnight, then on the front row is Kim Esplin's friend, Lisa Hatch, then Kim, then Andrea, Kim's oldest daughter and she is holding Caden, her sister's baby, and then last is Angie.(Kim''s 2nd daughter) Most of us spent the night at the house that I grew up in, and we had a blast.

This picture we had to get my daughter Heather in because we missed her, but there's my 3 married daughters, they loved being together.
OK, this next one is my favorite picture because if you look carefully, you will see the gorgeous one next to me is HILARY WEEKS. About 5 years ago, I was the Enrichment Night leader in Relief Society and I could not get it off my mind that I wanted Hilary to come sing at Enrichment Night. I knew it was a lofty goal, but I pursued it and she came, not only to my ward, but we invited the entire Stake, so I think we had 200 women or so come. It was incredible. She played the piano for all her songs, and told scripture stories and funny personal stories to round out the event. I made all kinds of arrangements for her and her family to get down here and stay for a couple days. After all these years, she still remembers me, and someone told her that I had breast cancer. One day about two weeks ago, the phone rings and I see on the caller ID, that it says Tim and Hilary Weeks. I about fainted. I answered and she said, " Is this Karen?", and I said "IS THIS HILARY?" She went on to tell me that she had heard about my cancer and wanted me to tell her the whole story of what happened. I COULD NOT believe it. We talked for quite a while and she told me of a time when she had to have chemotherapy for a Mogel pregnancy that kept growing back. I had never heard of that , but she is so in tune with people and what they go through, and I believe the Spirit speaks directly to her for all these songs she writes. When I went down to get a picture with her, I said anyone that wants to get a picture with Hilary, come on, and so here's most of our group. She is so kind and loving. I am her #1 fan forever. When I introduced her to my sister, she said '"Well, If you're Karen's sister, then I already love you, because I love Karen"
Is that incredible or what? This pic is taken from the big screen that they had in the auditorium, this was after she had sung several songs, but I loved every bit of it, even if she started looking tired. She is one of my heroes.

As far as my health goes, I am feeling very blessed. One thing is the summer is almost gone, and the weather is making me feel much better, I was feeling so closed in inside the house all the time. Now I can get out and go for walks. Well, I have had 8 radiation treatments so far, 3 the first week, then 2 days off, then 4 days the next week, then 3 days off (one for Time out for Women), then 1 today, and I feel fine. Maybe the weekends off have kept me from getting sunburned or fatigued , but so far , I feel almost normal. I still have short bouts of anxiety, and my ambition about doing projects is almost zero, but the professionals have told me to give myself a lot of time before I feel normal again. I won't get any tests to look for cancer spreading until about 3 weeks after radiation is over, which will be about Thanksgiving. The anti depressant the Dr put me on, EFFEXOR, seems to be helping alot. I feel more like I did at the beginning of all this.........positive and encouraged.

I am still reading Jesus the Christ and I am understanding a LOT more than I thought I could. That's one thing about Hilary's songs, they make me feel closer to the Savior, something I am seeking daily. I have to admit though, the one subject that has penetrated my heart deeply came from Stephen Robinson's book, "Believing Christ".......the difference between Justice and Mercy, I think this one principle is going to change me forever. I will explain in more detail later.

Your prayers are VERY powerful. I am thinking Heavenly Father and His Son have been listening to prayers from some of the very elect here on earth, and they just cannot deny your pleas for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Love you 4--ever, Karen

Radiation Begins

I don't know if this blows anyone else away, but it does me. I AM FINISHED WITH 8 CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENTS!!. I can hardly believe it. I am starting radiation treatments tomorrow. I will have 30 of them. Yesterday I went to get tatoos (VERY Small ones), so they will know where to put the radiation everytime. They say it is just like getting an x-ray, and it only takes about 5 minutes EVERY WEEK DAY. They told me that it will kill any cancer cells that could be possibly still hanging around where the tumor originated, and even though some normal tissue will get zapped too, it will regenerate and recover, where the cancer cells will not. Studies have shown that women who do not have radiation often have reccurrence of cancer near where the first tumor was, so they all believe this is the answer, chemo first, then radiation. I am ready. I don't feel nauseated anymore, I have gained back almost 10 pounds and my anxiety is 90% gone. I am a little bit tired, my energy level is not what it was, but I feel sure it will be sometime in the future. The radiation oncologist said this will probably make me more fatigued. I said well, we'll see, the only thing that has made me tired for the last 4 months is Benadryl. (that's what Dr. Lemon gave me to calm me down) I had several of the staff try to convince me NOT to compare myself with other patients, that everyone writes their own story, and there are so many variables, the every reaction is going to be a little bit different. I'll give it a week or two and then let you know how I am reacting. If I continue to have the positive input from all of you,, this is not going to cause me any trouble, and maybe I can get back to doing a few more normal things.
If only I could pay you back somehow for what you have all done for me. It's been incomprehensible that SO many of you have poured out your hearts with love and concern and prayers for me. I think I have already told you that I don't deserve it, but through the Mercy that Jesus Christ wants to show his people, He has allowed me to see and feel firsthand what Mercy feels like. I have learned so much through this experience. I am keeping a list, and at the end of the radiation, I am going to give you all the list, but I figure it's not completed yet, and I still have a few things to learn, but I will say this. I have learned that EVERYONE has good in them, and if they seem unkind or unfriendly, I can almost BE SURE that they are hurting somewhere in their personal lives, and they need kindness, not because they deserve it, but because we should show mercy like the Savior shows us.
Love, Kindness, Concern, Prayers, Fasting, and MERCY is what has gotten me through this, and as I look back on it, I think, "You know , that really wasn't that bad", then I read my journal and realize it was harder than I remember. Thank you for coming to visit me, it has lifted my spirits so much and it gives me so much courage to go on, and I feel like "YES, I CAN DO THIS"
I couldn't think of any pictures to put on this one, you must be sick of seeing my grandkids, but next time , I will think of something, that's my favorite part of other people's posts.
I leave you my love, more than I have ever had before for anyone, and I hope you don't get tired of hearing this , but THANK YOU SO MUCH, you have truly gotten me through one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
Love, Karen the Kancer Killer (that has lots of loved ones helping out with the demise of her cancer)

Keeping me Occupied

As you can see, this is the birth announcement of my newest grandbaby. I want to thank Brooke Owens Slack for making it up for Tara, and I wanted to tell you what's on my mind this week.On Monday, I had minor surgery to take out my port a cath, and I got very sick from the anesthesia mixed with pain pills, and I felt like I had had a SUPER dose of chemo. Luckily i t only lasted 24 hrs, and I started feeling better. Last week before the surgery, I had a SUDDEN attack of a UTI. I have never had one, but it was as painful as giving birth with no epidural. I got a blessing and some antibiotics and was back to normal about 3 hours later. I feel lucky that my bad days have been short lived. I wanted to let you see the fun moments I have had lately with Tara's new little KENYA. Tara and Heather wanted to try their hand at being ANNE GEDDES wannabes. We had a lot of fun and got these cute pictures.
I felt so good by Friday, Aug 30th, I went to the Reber reunion up at Pine Valley and slept under the stars , it was so refreshing to get out of the heat. It was very uplifting to see family that I don't get to see much and feel of their love and support. all I can say is I AM A VERY LUCKY GIRL!! Thank you all for your concern
. I have high hopes that things are going to go well, and I will be up to speed by Christmas. I went back to aerobics class this week and found out that all the energy that L used to have is about 75% gone, but that's understandable, but I am going to try to go back 3 times a week if the radiation doesn't wipe me out. so for now, I am really enjoying little Kenya, and starting to put "Karen" back together.

I have been told by more than one person that I am going to be a new Karen, it's like cleaning out a messy closet. You pull everything out and dump it all over the floor, but then you start putting back the things in the closet that you REALLY want and need and throw the rest away, and you feel better about your clean closet.
Well, that's me , I have been that mess on the floor, but thanks to all of you and your faith, and a Merciful Savior, I am throwing out a lot of unnecessary things and putting myself back together with only good and useful things. I think I have cleared up any bad feelings that I have had with others;, gotten rid of all my grudges, and I am giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. AND IT FEELS GREAT.

By the way, the medicines the Dr has me on are really making me feel better. I see them as a blessing from Heavenly Father and His Son.

I love you all and I will forever.

The Last Chemo treatment has been completed...WOW

Well, here it is, chemo #8, it's absolutely amazing that I have made it through 8 chemotherapy treatments. Now, I'll give myself about 3 weeks to get over all of this, especially since the doctors and nurses keep insisting that each chemo gets more lethal, just because of the cumulative effect. The last 2 treatments have been quite easy ones with all the extra fluids they have been giving me, but this one hasn't been quite as easy, probably to be expected. Especially since so many of you fasted that this would be the final "kick off" to all remaining cancer cells. Words cannot express to you how much it means to me that you would fast and pray for me.

This is my friend Paige Allred, we wanted to have our last chemo together. She was struggling with some bad side effects, so they split her last 2 chemos into 4, making them half strength, so she will still go in 2 more times, and I am going to show up just to keep her company. She really encourages me so much. Tara brought little Kenya, (Now 6 wks old) in to see me too. I was so happy that it was my last day of treatment that I made a big batch of cinnamon rolls, and Paige made homemade cheese ball and chips and salsa. We tried to make it a party, but neither of us had much of an appetite, but it was the spirit of the party that was important! Please pray for Paige too, she has 3 little ones under 6, and has kept going regardless of 3 surgeries, and all these chemos. She's 28 yrs old and has a great attitude.

I wanted you to see two of my ANGEL nurses that have truly nurtured me through all this. I have missed my mom more than I ever imagined, and there were times when these nurses would rub my shoulders and give me hugs and listen to me cry, and give me encouragement all the time. This first one is Beth, and the 2nd one is Julia. I truly felt that they loved me, and there were other nurses every bit as helpful that I didn't get pictures of, but the Lord is with these people who are in the service of those in need, and I am SO grateful. It has changed my life forever, (I hope and pray this compassion stays with me)

The next step is to have a minor surgery next week to have my PORT out, it is where all the meds and fluids have gone in , but apparently it is in the way of where the radiation needs to go, so after a couple weeks of recovery, I will start radiation, with Dr. Richards, and he says I will be tired and sunburned feeling, but not near as bad as the chemo. I figure that puts me finished with treatments around Halloween.

I have discovered things about myself that I don't know if I would have ever realized had I not gone through this. When you are asking the Savior to heal you, it makes you wonder if you have pleased him or not over the years, and what can you do to be more like him, after all, he says, "Come Follow Me". I think I have made it too hard over the years for myself and ALL He wants is my heart, everything else is already his. I can now commit to give him all of my heart, and TRY to live like him, maybe sometimes fail, then TRY again, and never give up. My first big project is to read everything I can about HIM. Heavenly Father knows this is a sacrifice for me, but He is helping me to make it easier.

Fasting

-This is Tara writing.

On behalf of my mom I wanted to let you know that this Friday is my moms last chemo treatment. While we are very happy that this is her last one, its a little scary to because this is the last chance for the medicine to go in and kill any more cancer cells if any. We are going to have a family/friends fast on Sunday Aug 17th. We wanted to invite anyone who is willing to participate with us, but if your not able to fast we always appreciate prayers! :) We want the lords will to be done, and are hoping and praying it means that the chemo therapy was successful. Thank you all for all the love and support you have given my family especially my mom during this hard time. I think that is why my mom has done pretty well these last few months because of all your faith and prayers.

Chemo #7

actually this picture is from a couple weeks ago. We were on top of the houseboat, and my 18 yr old son had just had his wisdom teeth out, and his pain pills made him feel like dancing, which got everyone in on the act. FUN times. (once in a lifetime picture)

This is my oldest grandson, Damon. He has come with me twice to chemotherapy, I'm not sure why he wants to, but he brought his coloring stuff and sat at a table for most of the 2 hrs I was there. In this picture, I am actually just getting IV treatments of fluid and medicine to help curb the chemo effects. Damon is 6 and he prays daily for help with my chemotherapy, maybe he's proud that he knows a word that no one else his age does. this is Kalia, she is Heathers only little girl, 11mos old, until Nov when another little girl will arrive. Just like all little kids, she loves the phone, and it has to be a REAL phone too!

This is a typical afternoon at my house when all the kids are there, and this week, after treatment #7, I had Krystal and her family, Heather and her family, and Tara and her family here. We just all pile on my bed, but I got to hold baby Kenya!!

this is Kyla (Yeah, there's 3 of them, Kyla, Kalia and Kenya) she is Krystal's 3rd child, and just as true to the telephone as these kids are, they want the REAL remote too1
This is my best friend from high school, and after 30 years she still loves me and came up from vegas to spend the day with me. I do NOT deserve this much love, but I am the luckiest girl in the world to have so many people care about me

Now, to bring you up to date on the chemos. It's almost impossible for me to believe that I have done SEVEN treatments. The original number was 8, and the Dr hasn't said any reason to change that, so on Aug 18th, I will have my last chemo treatment and approximately 3 weeks later, I will start radiation, and do that M-F for 6 weeks. I am going to ask if they can just radiate my whole body, that should keep it from coming back, dont ya think?

I don't know how often we will be checking lab work and pet scans, but I will be bugging them to do them every other day. j/k There has truly been a miracle with these last two treatments. The Dr has given me these IV fluids that are keeping me from being nauseated. He put me on meds that are controlling the anxiety, and so now I just feel like a lazy bum around the house trying to think positive thoughts. I still don't have enough ambition to clean out closets or anything, we'll save that for spring cleaning or something. The ONLY thing I can complain about right now is my meltdowns. They still happen every 3 or 4 days, but I think I figured it out. It's because I don't have any estrogen anymore. They've taken that all away, then you take away my energy and my normal everyday life, and who wouldn't cry?? I always feel better after a good cry, but please don't take it personal if you find me in one of these heaps on the floor. I think it came with the package deal, and I want to finish what I have started!! And I feel the Holy Ghost has told me that this "Karen" isn't permanent, I am going to be the better version when I get out of this refiner's fire.

You went WHERE?

Believe it or not, I made it out to Lake Powell, chemotherapy, Anxiety and all!!

My family convinced me that it would be relaxing to come out on the houseboat that we have a 1 week share on. I cannot tell you how scared I was to think that I might get out there and freak out over something, anything, what if it was too hot, or what if it was too bumpy and I would feel nauseated, or what if there wasn't any food out there that I could eat, or what if I just needed to come home?? The fears seem ridiculous now, but they weren't the day before I went. I had a downright good old panic attack.

BUT, with a LOT of prayer,Not just mine, but all of you guys praying for me too, I decided it would be good for me to be with my family, brothers, sister, and their kids, and just lay around in the cool water. And you know what?? No one would let me cook or clean or do any work at all, and I think I had one of my most relaxing trips to Lake Powell ever. The food even tasted good to me. The days were around 85 -90 degrees and the nights were wonderful, and I truly did enjoy it. I am calling it a MIRACLE! (By the way , my sister's the one with the hair :)

Just to be sure I didn't get too much sun, Dale brought me home on the 3rd day, but it turned out to be just right. I have been feeling better ever since.

It has been over 2 weeks since I have had a chemo treatment, and so next Monday will be LUCKY #7 (Remember the Dr. said I would have 8 treatments, so I am getting excited to be getting near the end).

the last treatment I had, we found that if I went into the office everyday for fluid and IV meds, I did MUCH better. They say this stuff accumulates in your system, so each one SHOULD get worse. (OK, So I am normal) So, here it is Wednesday, July 23rd, and I almost feel like a normal person. It sounds silly, but I can't tell you how much HOPE that gives me, that someday I will feel like myself again.

Since I felt so good yesterday, I went to my favorite place to feel peace. The temple. I didn't know how much time I could physically endure, but it ended up so peaceful, I stayed for several hours. When I got home last night, I felt peace, the peace I beg for, and plead for. If you have ever experienced severe anxiety, you know what I am talking about, if you haven't, drop to your knees right now and give thanks!!! It is indescribable.

I could not have come this far without your love and support, I don't know how ANYONE could go through this alone. My testimony is being strengthened daily as I learn new things that Heavenly Father is bringing to my ATTENTION, possibly things I wouldn't have learned any other way. Thank you for your love, talk to you next week, PS I still like visitors :)