Summer 2008 vs Summer 2009

SUMMER 2008

Wow, what a comparison I can make between the two summers, I am going to put up some pictures of last year and some of this year so I can see the physical changes.

The spiritual and emotional changes are things that cannot be seen, but they are there.

Do any of you remember that I asked you to give me a swift kick in the you-know-where if I ever got a little sassy? I am serious, I hope you will because I can see how easy it is to "Forget", and slip back to the "natural man". ( I will expound on this later)

Last July 2008. Kenya was born while I was still going through chemo.

Tara and Kenya would come sit with me at chemo to keep me company. 2008

Maddux and I enjoying a nice summer evening on the trampoline (2008)

Kenya 2009,........ what a difference a year can make!

Tara threw me a surprise party for being offically finished with chemo

Summer 2008

This year ,turning 51, May 15, 2009, my daughter Krystal, and sister Colleen

here at a very expensive restaurant in San Diego.

I had the most fun and silly trip that I have had in YEARS on my birthday this year. My sister can get buddy passes and discounts at hotels because she does reservations for Jet Blue (working from home from her own computer, cool, huh?). She made plans along with Krystal to go to San Diego. What a great trip. We laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Only a girl could understand our silliness. We missed Heather and Tara, but getting someone to tend their kids didn't work out. (Jeff tended for Krystal, THANK YOU JEFF, hope Krystal made it up to him :)

I told everyone (at Colleen's suggestion) that I was 60, instead of 51. I thought this was the best idea I've heard in a long time. When you say you are younger, actually people are thinking, "Wo, that's too bad, you look terrible for your age", but when you tell them you are older, people compliment you and say "Wow, you look great!!" I enjoyed it so much, from now on I am going to tell people that I am 175 and say "I feel like I am doing so great for my age!!!" It is so much more fun that way, and it makes me laugh a lot.

After my birthday trip, I went on 5 more trips before the summer was through, whew, I am REALLY tired, and I am not kidding.

1. I went to Vegas to tend my brother's 3 children for his anniversary (I took Kimmy to help me)

no pictures sorry

2. I went to Provo/Orem for the 4th of July, and celebrated several family members' b-days. This is 6 am, July 4th in Provo at the Hot Air Balloons, it's fun.....wow......

3. I went to Park City (a much needed break) with 9 other women my age for a girls' retreat.

(Boy, that place is BEAUTIFUL in July) again, no pics, camera on the blink

4. Then I took off to Vegas and on to San Diego for a week of fun with most all of my family. Eric took us back to visit his mission, along with Sea World, the beach, and the SAN DIEGO TEMPLE (ahhhhhhhhh) I came home to a completely NEW kitchen. (pictures down below)

5. After being shocked by how awesome my new kitchen was, I left 2 days later for a fun, but busy trip to Lake Powell on a house boat. (can you believe anyone could build me a new kitchen and new laundry room in 6, I said SIX days???) didn't want my camera to get wet, no pics

Finally, I am home and want to stay home for a while.

This is July of this year,the last time Dale and his brothers and sister and their spouses will be together with his mom and dad for a year or so. His older brother Larry and his wife Nancy have recently gone to Africa to serve a full time mission. The same place Larry served when he was 19.

The beach was a lot of fun. This is my 22 yr old and 15 yr old. You would have thought they were little kids again. It was a gorgeous day, and a beautiful beach.

I think it was called LaJolla Cove

Of course, we HAD to go to Sea World to see "SHAMU", and we weren't disappointed. It was a lot more fun than I remembered it being when we took our little kids, 3 of them under 6 yrs old.

Tara driving around the "limo" as she calls it, at Seaworld!
Can you count how many kids she's pushing? (not to mention the one in her belly!)lol

Here are a few of the members and Elders with us at their place. They treated us to a 3 foot in diameter pizza with jalapenos on it. Woo, it was unique. Latinos can eat some HOT stuff!

Eric"s mission president Lee Donaldsaon and his wife.

then, we got home at 2:30am Monday morning and saw this

This is what I came home to after my week in San Diego. If you have been in my house, you know this is VERY different!! I was overcome with gratitude. I have wanted more room in the kitchen for the last 20 years, (the first five we lived here, it didn't bother me much, maybe because the kids were so tiny, now they are so BIG)

My sister's husband does this for a living, it's called "3-day Kitchen and Bath", but he had to knock out a wall and build a new laundry room, so it took him and 2 other workers 6 days.

Well, this is the end of this post, and I can't help but say that this was a pain. Eric and Tara practically made me do it all by myself, and it was HARD...................(whine, whine)

I really cannot believe what a contrast this summer was with last summer where every event was an extreme amount of effort, and an overwhelming amount of anxiety. I am SO very grateful that I am not hardly anxious at all this summer. It is truly a miracle to me.

One of the many priesthood blessings I had last year told me that the Lord was waiting to see my faith exhibited before He could, or would, heal me completely. When I heard the word "completely", I gulped because I not only wanted to be healed from the cancer, I REALLY wanted to be healed from this anxiety. I have suffered with it for 30 years. I have had many periods of relief from it, but it keeps coming back, and during the chemo, it was probably the WORST it has ever been.

Imagine having a knot in your stomach, and then times that by 10, then start breathing really fast, to the point of your chest moving up and down, then feel your muscles cramping up. Now you are feeling a little bit of what I was going through last summer. Not ALL of the time, but about in the middle of my chemo treatments, it was MELTDOWN time.....whew..........I am so thankful that part is over.

I want to remember to constantly work on overcoming this "natural man", so that I can have the Peace that I desire, and that the Lord has promised if we stay close to him.

I will try to be better about posting, and do some more often, and a little shorter so it doesn't take your whole lunch hour to read it. :)

I love you all for reading this, thanx. Love, Karen

I am still alive and KICKING!!

Hey everyone,

I am so sorry that I have neglected this blog site for the whole summer. I am doing well, and as always, have LOTS to say, but just havent been able to put a post together. I was urged recently to update my blog as to assure everyone that cancer has not recurred. I have been working on one, but struggle to get the photos on. I am trying to learn myself, so that I won't be so dependant on Tara and Eric.

If you will give me one more chance, I will have something up by Saturday, August 29th, so please..................stay tuned...................I seriously LOVE having a blog and hearing from my loved ones........I know facebook is the NEW, COOL, thing, but I can't figure it out.
My kids have put me on there, and it looks like it will take me 2 or 3 hours to read everything everyone has to say.

I just can't make myself sit still that long, so please keep in touch with me through email, and my blog, and even yours. Send me your blog address and I will have Tara add it for me......tee hee, I can't learn how to do everything on the computer :)

Love to all of you, Karen

The Best Gift ever for Mother's Day

I received the BEST mother's day gift ever this year. I was privileged to think about and honor my own mother by having my brothers and sister here, and I was blessed to have ALL of my six children with me...........being a mother is the best part of mortality.........and having a mother for all eternity....... has become even more important now that she is gone from my view.
This first picture is the baby of the family I grew up in, my little brother Pat. He lives in Las Vegas. Then there is my only sister, also my baby sister, Colleen. She lives in Orem.




This next one is Colleen, then me, then Daryl, a massage therapist here in St. George, next to him is Tom, my oldest brother, he lives in Payson.


This is half of his family. Angie is 12, and McKayla is 10. He left his wife and 3 younger children home due to the traveling that exhausts all children.


This is half of Daryl's family. His wife Shannon with their 11 yr old son Michael, and 13 yr old daughter Natalie. They have 3 sons married too.



This is 5 out of 6 members of my sisters family. They are missing a 16 yr old left to participate in a basketball tournament.



This is MY family........ALL of my children.......yipppeeee!......... We are standing in our backyard just an hour before Elder Eric was to speak in church. We are all in order according to age. The heighth is a little deceiving due to the hill we are standing on. Notice the temple behind me, between Krystal and I, it's my favorite view. This is taken outside on my back porch.....you gotta love that backyard!!!


Now notice the next generation. Krystal, Jeff, Damon almost 7, Allie 4, and Kyla 2.




Then there's Heather and Samuel, and Kalia 21 mos. and Annaliese 6 mos. I got to tend these little sweeties for 6 days while mom and dad went to Hawaii for "business". (tee hee)






Here's Tara and Wayne's family. Kenya is 10 months old and starting to walk (my favorite time of a baby's life) and Malakai......almost 3 and Maddux.........of course the same age.....are they cute or what? They look so innocent don't they?





This is the crew that we had in our house BEFORE sacrament meeting, we had 94 total AFTER church for dinner...............and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!



I wanted to end this post with a few words about these incredible kids. They are responsible for so much of my healing this past year. They believed and had faith, they prayed and fasted...........and believed some more. I have a picture of each of them in my bedroom where I put vinyl letters above the pics....it reads......"MIRACLES happen to those who believe". So many of you that read this post made it happen too, but as a mother on Mother's day, I was overwhelmed with such a blessing as these six kids. I didn't feel guilty on Mother's day, instead I felt such GRATITUDE for the privilege of BEING a mother. All women will get the chance someday,(thankfully), but I have had my chance here and now, and what a great life I have had doing it. The pains of raising little children fade, and the strength that I gain from spending time with them remains and continually gets stronger.
I heard a song last night (what a surprise Karen, you hardly ever listen to songs lol), this one if from Lindsay Housekeeper (a St. George girl). She wrote it about her own son growing up so fast and going off to school, and how hard it is to let them grow up. I feel the same way sometimes. I just want them to be little again,
but at least I have pictures of them to remind me of how sweet and precious they were, and will always be to me.

here's SOME of the words to it:
The yesterdays have quickly slipped away....
I can't rewind or turn back the hand of time...
I am so proud of who you are becoming....
I'm holding on "just a little" so you know you're not alone
I'm letting go "just a little" so you can reach your goal and
it's the hardest thing Ive ever done
but I know you've gotta grow
still I'm holding on "just a little" to the little child I know (she says boy)







If it weren't for them, I would not be a mother, so this is to THANK MY CHILDREN for loving me, time after time of me being a clutz, and saying SO MANY DUMB THINGS!!, for forgiving me when I yelled and ranted and occasionally went into a rage. I wish I could go back and do a better job, I have learned so much now, I KNOW I would do better.
I love you Krystal, you have been more patient with me than anyone else. You cut me slack when I needed it , but didn't deserve it. You are the best first child a mother could ever ask for.
Heather, I love you so much, I am sorry that I gave you so much of my personality, especially when it comes to emotions. You gave me back what I dished out and I needed it so badly. You helped me to realize that I was unreasonable sometimes, and yet in the end , you always obeyed me, Thank you for being such a great daughter. I marvel at your talents, and beauty.
Tara, I have always loved you so much, and don't know how I deserved such a miracle as you becoming my best friend in my old age. You were there for every detail of my cancer year. You cried with me, and uplifted me, and brought me back to reality when I felt sorry for myself. One time when I said, "I need to sit shotgun because I have cancer", you said, "You don't anymore, they cut it out", you made me laugh so hard, you have such a great personality that keeps us all laughing.
Eric, I love you so much, my first born son, how could I have ever lived without you? Your service and dedication to the Lord literally saved my life. I will always cherish my memory of you rocking me in the rocking chair when I had a meltdown a few days before Christmas when you were 17. Your tender compassion is a gift to me.
Jonathan, I love you so much. Heavenly Father knew I needed you and sent us a special message in the temple about your arrival, and that told us how important it was for you to join our family. I love how you act so tough, and yet you are the softest person ever on the inside. I feel so loved by you when you call me Carol, it is so funny. Thank you for influencing all your friends to love me too. I will cherish the memories of you always wanting an afterschool treat, and how one time when I tried to give you popsicles you cried and said, "but it's not homemade" and after that I made homemade cookies, a different kind everyday for about a year.
Kimberlee, my little miracle last child. I love you so much. You are the life of the party, and you have been the life of the family. You have taken the best of all the other 5 kids and incorporated it into your life so that you are "the last, the best of all the game". You are smart, talented, beautiful, and yet motherhood is your number one priority. I love that about you. I love how you always say thank you when I do something for you. You have helped me to stay feeling young. Even though, I am getting older, you make me feel like I'm not.
I am so glad you came along, and that the Lord preserved your life when I feared you wouldn't make it. You are and always will be my baby girl.

Being a mother is the greatest gift of all, and I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the most loving, supportive mother in the world, that made me feel I was so special that I could do ANYTHING!!, and I thank him for allowing me to be these six children's mother.

Elder Esplin is HOME!

Have I talked about my SON?? I don't think I have, at least lately, but he has just returned from his two years spent in San Diego, California on a mission for the church. He had to learn Spanish and mostly preached the gospel to Spanish speaking people who lived there, and in close by surrounding areas. He arrived home last Tuesday, at 4:15 and many of you were there and saw this silly reaction from me when I saw him get off the plane. If you weren't there, you should get a good laugh out of this, I couldn't hide my emotions.
This is the video that Tara's husband took of all of us at the airport. I was SO EXCITED!!! Not just because Eric was coming home;
but because of what's happened while he's been gone, it was a moment that I wondered if I would get to see.

It was a little over a year ago that I was faced with the dilemma of how to tell Eric that I had breast cancer.



My own mother died with breast cancer that had spread to her liver about 12 years ago, and Eric was all too aware of that. Telling him was not something I wanted to do. I did not want him to worry, or be interrupted in any way while he was serving. I did not want him to feel like he needed to come home. At first I told everyone, "Don't let Eric know, I will be all better when he gets home and I will tell him then". That idea lasted a few days, until everyone convinced me that sooner or later, someone was going to leak it to him, and he would be hurt to think I didn't tell him. I realized all of a sudden that I NEEDED his spiritual strength and PRAYERS. Who better is the Lord going to listen to than someone who is giving his full time attention to serving HIM......... yes, Eric needed to know...



Dale came up with the idea to call the Mission President and let him tell Eric. That's what we did, and it went pretty well. Eric did tell us later that his heart sunk to his toes, and of course he first thought of my mom and a dear friend of mine, Kim Judd, that had passed away from breast cancer that spread to the rest of her body in 2004. He remembered all of that and did feel some fear. He said he started to fast immediately, and then felt peace, that all would be well.




I felt that it was the right thing to do when I told him in a letter, "Elder Esplin, this is what I need you to do, I need you to stay on your mission , be very obedient, and work extra hard, and pray for me, and I know that by the time you get home, I will be 'as good as new', I promise you that I will be here when you get back." I have thought about that statement so many times over the last year. I hoped and prayed that my feelings and thoughts were inspired, not just wishes. I couldn't sleep the last few days before Eric came home, overwhelmed with what has happened over the last year or so. I worried that I wasn't as good as new because I am so not cute anymore. (is that vain to think I was ever cute?).
(This is just a nice way of saying I feel like I am ugly, but my breast cancer support group teaches us that "berating ourselves is more damaging to our health than almost anything else", so I know I shouldn't think things like this)
I know the truth is that I am "as good as new", or even better on the inside, even if my outside is not what I would like it to be. I heard Elder David Bednar speak Sunday night, and he cautioned everyone to NOT diminish our bodies. God made them and doesn't like it when we don't like ourselves, or abuse ourselves. I never thought about it that way. I will do better.



Thank you all for coming to Elder Eric Esplin's homecoming party, whether you were at the airport, or at the pizza factory, or even if you were there in spirit. It was such an uplift to me to see so many of you rejoicing with me that I am still alive and well, and got to enjoy the sweet gift of seeing my son Return with Honor. When Eric left, I had long blonde hair, so he has a little adjusting to do just when he looks at me, besides adjusting to everything else.
He is doing great. The biggest difference I have noticed is he doesn't seem to like too much noise. I have heard him say several times this week that he would like it if we all would talk and scream (some of the grandkids) just a little bit softer. I hadn't even noticed how loud we were.




Two days later, I was privileged to be invited to witness the birth of my youngest brother's new baby son in Las Vegas. This is little Beckett Charles McKnight. He weighed 6 lb, 8 oz. I love his mother, my sister-in-law, Heather McKnight. (Some of you might remember that I went to their wedding in between chemo sessions.) In case you think my skin looks good here, Eric is very good on the computer and showed me how he can "touch up" pictures, so he erased my wrinkles..................ooohh, if we could only do that in real life. :)

It is great to have him home, and I am back home now too.
Today we spent some time in the temple together. We had some family names that needed to be baptized, so Eric baptized Kimberlee and I in behalf of 7 of our ancestors, it was a great experience. Afterwards, we went to a bank, where he applied for a job as a teller, and then on to the Spectrum to put his announcement in about his homecoming.

If you are anywhere near the St. George area on Sunday, May 10 ( what a nice mother's day present for me :) ), he will be speaking in Sacrament meeting at 1222 East Brigham Road in Bloomington Hills at 1:30, and we are having a dinner buffet at 3:00 at our house afterwards. You are all invited, and if you really want to , you could bring a side dish to go along with shredded seasoned beef that I will make in the crock pot for the entree. We will see what else I can cook up besides that too.

Thank you all for you loving support. Hope to see you all soon. Love, Karen

Easter brought Gratitude

Here's grandma Karen on the porch after church on Easter, so it's not a surprise that everyone is not feeling their best, maybe too much candy and church services that wear kids out. (But grandmas enjoy) You can tell my age when you look at my oldest and first grandchild, Damon. He is 6 and in the first grade. I love to talk to him, he is very attune to what is going on with me. Next is Annaliese, then Kenya , Kalia, Kyla, and Allie. Hey, where are the twins, MIS and CHIEF??





Oh, here they are with the rest of their cousins BEFORE church. Grandma Karen had gone to practice with the choir for the Easter program and she was so hoping that the mothers of these little ones would remember to get pictures before they got messed up. Notice MIS (Malakai) has a new haircut, (much to mother's dismay)

I have so much to be grateful for this year. I had all of my grandkids together for Easter, and 4 days later I learned that my PET scan for this year was COMPLETELY CLEAR of cancer.

What more could I ask for?

This is Kenya, now 9 mos old, in her Easter dress, still a delight to be around :)

This is Kyla, she is almost 2 and she is a spitfire!!! She was so quiet the first year of her life, and now she is making up for it. She lives in Springville. My favorite thing about Kyla is that she will lovingly come to you and immediately put her head down on your shoulder. It touches my heart.

I am so amazingly blessed to have FOUR daughters, and now they are all about the same size. they can all wear each other's clothes and shoes
Tara, then me, Kimmy (now 15),Krystal, and Heather, (yes, Heather and Tara traded hair :)

Two of my son in laws with their little ones, Wayne is Tara's husband with Malakai on his lap just a day after Malakai (age 2 1/2) shaved his own head with electric clippers (Tara had to finish the job) Then next to him is Jeff (Krystal's husband) with Kyla on his lap. The couch is an old one from my front room and we put it on the porch for a while, (nice temperature this Easter Night)

Here's my 4 daughters again, (honestly, I can't get over Heather's hair)

This sweet one we haven't had many pictures of her. Maybe because she was usually crying the first few months of her life. This is Annaliese, Heather's 5 mo. old. Heather had a hard time trying to figure out why she cried so much. After MANY doctor visits to MANY different kind of doctors, many things were ruled out, and after a LOT of prayers, Heather felt that she needed to be on a formula without any corn in it, very hard to find by the way. After a week on Aliemuntum sp? ready to feed, little one started to calm, eat, not have rashes, and get some sleep. Heavenly Father always knows what is wrong, He is just letting us find the answers when we are ready to listen to Him. This is a bubble one of the kids blew her way, what a sweetie!

This last one is Kalia, Heather's 17 mo. old, (yep, she had them close, taking after her momma.) I guess something has made her cry on this easter morn..... (certainly not her naturally curly hair after her dad and her great grandpa Bama.)

Yes, I have MUCH to be grateful for.

This morning, I attended a meditation group for cancer survivors. It has taught me to relax, and not let the stress of the word "cancer" get to me. Each time I am learning more how to control my anxiety. Today we went to a place that we love (in our minds), while calming our bodies with deep breaths. I saw myself with long blonde hair again in the celestial room in the temple. Then we were to focus on gratitude. We would breathe in gratitude and feel it in our hearts, and breathe out and away all negativism. I can't tell you how much this helped me today. I started off the day feeling VERY anxious. I was overwhelmed with love and gratitude for these grandchildren, my own children, and a son that will finish his mission next week and arrive at the St. George airport after 2 yrs of being away. Then the grateful feelings expanded. I am so thankful for a great husband, and the priesthood, and His blessings that he gives me when I ask. I felt so amazed at how much my heart has changed over the past year. While I was in this celestial room, I saw lots of things in white, representing so much peace and purity to me. I could almost see the Savior walking in to the St. George temple in that sacred room, all in white of course. I could almost feel my mom and dad near by.

I felt loved. I felt grateful.

Yes, Easter brought Gratitude this year.

Something Wonderful is Happening

I would have done this post 2 weeks ago, but I kept worrying about what pictures to put with it.
Finally I have realized that the feelings of my heart can put pictures in your minds. I am working very hard to stop worrying so much. I have worried myself into so many emotional fits, it's really ridiculous. I have learned firsthand that worrying only creates havoc with my heart, soul, and especially my body.
I have been seeing a counselor about my anxiety and she gave me a paper with "self-defeating' beliefs that many of us have.
One was, "IF I WORRY ENOUGH, EVERYTHING WILL TURN OUT OK". I have accepted the fact that I have had this belief safely(that's an interesting word) tucked away in my brain and have made it part of my life for the last 30-50 years. It IS SELF DEFEATING ! This is war, I have to destroy the enemy!!!

Worrying creates anxiety, and that is my enemy!

My Stake President told me once this last year that feeling guilt really is an enemy to the mothers and women in general. He said "Godly sorrow" helps us to CHANGE. Feeling guilty just makes us feel sick all the time. I am trying to recognize when I feel guilty and when I feel Godly sorrow and need to make a change.

Let me just say that feeling "concerned" about something helps us to solve problems, but 'Worrying' is to let it consume you.

Now, to the Happier News:
It's Easter Time, I have always loved Easter, but this year is ENTIRELY different for me.
I set a goal after I was finished with my treatments that I would take an institute class on the New Testament, and I would join the ward choir, and read everything I could possibly read about the Savior. I truly desire to get to know Him. I need to develop a PERSONAL relationship with Him and feel His Reality. I know I have never done that up to this point. I have had faith about Him, but have not KNOWN.

I started the institute class and immediately felt the Spirit. It was on the Four Gospels. Last week it ended, and it ended with the last week of the Savior's life, and His resurrection. How perfect was that?? It's Easter, HE IS RISEN. Also, guess what songs we have been singing in the ward choir? Easter songs about THE SAVIOR!! Could I have planned this any more perfect myself?? NO, it is put together by a MASTER CREATOR. I feel the spirit so strong when we are singing those songs, I can imagine the Savior himself standing at the back of the chapel, up high of course, that causes me to LOOK UP to see Him and to greet Him.

What else would He want to do , except check in on His loved ones,..... US!.......Especially those who have "Chosen Him", over the world. I am in awe of all He did for 3- jam-packed years, (and this being His only chance at being mortal), and then ending it in such a dramatic way, that it even made HIM shrink and hesitate to drink the bitter cup; yet HE STILL TELLS US WE ARE FREE TO WANDER WHERE WE WILL, he has no demands on us. He has invitations for us, and promises for us, and blessings galore waiting for us. We just need to become one of His partners. It is SO much easier than I have ever made it out to be. It's as easy as loving a member of your family that you adore, and that adores you back.

I am coming to know HIM personally, I am believing in HIS REALITY. I am feeling it. What a gloious way to feel at Easter time. I am SO grateful. I have been shown so many tender mercies from Him and Heavenly Father, and YOU, Their earthly angels. I know my mom is aware, and I will know in the future of her involvement in my life. Can I say THANK YOU again?
I KNOW that YOU were inspired to help me. It all starts and ends with His love.

I wonder sometimes why I am so lucky. I heard a song this morning sung by Jeff McLean, and it said ,

"A tender mercy

has come to me..

It came from heaven

I do believe

Maybe why I was chosen

is because I CHOSE to see

God's tender mercies

are for those who believe

His tender mercies

are for you and for me"

I was puzzled about being humble and knowing it at the same time, but I heard my answer in Conference when President Monson said, "I am your HUMBLE servant" That struck me hard! He is humble, and he knows it, and it does not make him PROUD at all!

I can say now, I am humble, I know it, and I feel tender, grateful, meek, and teachable. I am thirsting for more. I think I have been blessed because I CHOSE Heavenly Father and HIS SON. I have asked for their guidance every step of the way. I can see now there is NO BETTER WAY than THEIR way.

I just thought of a perfect picture when I think of the Tender Mercies I have been shown, you have seen this picture before, but I will keep it in my mind forever.

I love......so much,........all of you......everyone.......everything,...........what a tender mercy to be blessed with LOVE, CHRISTLIKE LOVE.

Love 4-ever, Karen

More on Humility

I was looking through my Scripture Journal, something I haven't picked up for over a year, and found some wonderful things. (my scripture journal is a bunch of scriptures that I have read on one certain topic and written down the ones that I felt I could learn from) In the fall of 2001 I studied the topic of Pride, and I forgot all about it. Not only did I find scriptures, I found a talk by the prophet Ezra T. Benson (conf. report April 1989), and even though it's 20 yrs old, it still applies.

This is a quote from that talk,
"Most of us consider pride to be a sin of those on the top, such as the rich and the learned, looking down at the rest of us, (2 Nephi 9:42) There is however, a far more common ailment among us, and that is pride from the 'Bottom looking up'. It is manifest in so many ways, such as:
Fault finding
Gossiping
Backbiting
Murmuring
Jealousy
Being Unforgiving
Living beyond our means
Envying
Coveting
Withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another."
He goes on to say that the antidote for Pride is Humility.........we all knew that, didn't we?
He then pleads with us to "CHOOSE" to be humble. Here are his 8 suggestions on what to do to become humble.
1.Conquer Enmity (a state of opposition towards God and others)
2.Receive counsel and chastisement (Oh that's a fun one)
3.Forgive offenses and those who offended
4.Render Selfless Service
5.Preach the Word (missionary work)
6. Frequent temple attendance
7. Confess and forsake sins
8. Submit to HIS WILL in all things.
Sounds so easy, doesn't it? (no, not easy at all)
I have collected over 40 scriptures that talk about Pride and Humility. It's 16 pages long, (handwritten) so I will NOT include it here, but I do think I will type it up on Microsoft Word and I could email it to you if you are in need of such spiritual counsel as this.
But, a few things I learned (and forgot, boy am I glad I wrote it all down) were that Humility and Pride are really a "CONDITION OF THE HEART". So, I ask myself, "How's your heart condition, Karen?" Here's just a few scriptures that I loved.
Proverbs 18:12-"Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honour is humility"
James 4: 6 & 10 (Really the whole chapter is good) vs6 "...God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble" vs 10 "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up" YEAY, that's what I want, grace (which he has given me already) and to be lifted up, (spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc.) everyday.
Thank you all so much for getting me back into the scriptures!! I loved all the comments on humility and I would like to hear more feedback on how you feel about this stuff.
I do have to add here that one of the comments talked about gratitude, and I whole-heartedly agree, I can feel it when I start to think I am not humble, counting my blessings does bring humility. The one thing that is wierd about that is I didn't find any scriptures or quotes from Pres Benson that mentioned gratitude. If you guys could find me some, I would be most appreciative.

Now, I need to make one more comment about something I said last entry. I said I may have cracked the code on why I am so wierd. That was not a nice way to talk about a daughter of God, so I repent about that, but as far as "the code" goes, what I meant was that an answer came to my mind while I was having a LONG prayer and some meditation (listening). The answer was that I have some "beliefs" on my belief window that affect me greatly, but I have supressed them so deeply into my subconsious that I don't even realize it. And they are FALSE, not truth. For example, the first belief I realized is that I believe that if my life is going along great, and I am happy about everything, then I can't be humble, or acceptable to God. I HAVE to have a problem or challenge at all times. When things are going good, I think I make myself anxious so that I can have a problem. Is that ridiculous? But remember, I don't consiously believe that. Heavenly Father DOES want me to be happy, and He and The Savior DO NOT want me to feel fear. THAT IS A TRUTH. So I am working on all these things.
I physically am feeling pretty good, I got my sling off my arm and am going to physical therapy 3 times a week for 4 weeks to get my arm back into shape. (it does ache alot) I have so much to be thankful for, but now that I have started "cleaning out my closet" (see post about 5 months ago :), I still am rearranging everything that goes back into this closet, and still chucking anything that is worthless. It looks like just because my test results say I am all better for the time being, doesn't mean that my soul is all better yet. Thank heavens we have a lifetime to work on these things. In my case, I don't know how long that lifetime will be, so I need to keep on working now.
Love you all,
Love, Karen